Sunday, November 20, 2005

My Inaugural Speech as the President of the World

Maybe, I should take this new-found time to add to the clarity of the world. It has been brought to my attention that not all people are really people. Some, which we niavely think to be people worthy of water-bearing sustinance, are actually parasites that sap the life force from the world. Beings whose depravity runs so deep, that their very existence can be likened to a gangrenous sore that seeds the atmosphere to infect the air which keeps us. This being as it is, we should take it upon ourselves to look to their children as a source of sexual satifaction, hunger relief, and then of course, after nine hours: toilet foder, which we will then feed to Mexicans. We must do everything within our power, even enlisting the divinity of demigods, to keep these barbarous beings from encroaching upon our freedom. Verily, this must include making jewelery out of their genitalia, adorning our bodies with the instestines of beloved pets, and I do not believe that eating their children can be stressed enough. We must enslave their elderly and train them to catch darts in their chest; every night returning to bamboo cages to eat a half-bucket of fish heads. American goods must be imported... from China to aid our cause. The military of this world must be used as human shields to block the death rays and hurled fecal matter of our enemy. They are a savage people with pointy teeth and crazy eyes. Their women have been known to become so belligerent that most have grown testicles and chin pubes. Everynight, just before the worshiping of Beelzebub, they must drink the urine of young mountain orcas to retain their strength. My fellow Earthlings, we must unite against our common enemy... the non-albinos. I think you'll agree. Every non-albino man, woman, child, and hermaphrodite must be stricken from this earth with all the furry of the Four Horsemen. And in the end we troglodytes will be free to roam the Earth in relative peace with our neighbors and tranquility with nature. At least... until the next President Bush. KAPLAH!

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